There is one Sunday I remembered I woke up around 7 or 8 in the morning and going to pee and after that going to bed again, clinging to my comfy bed and aircon. I wake up later at 9 am later when the birds my father owned keep chirping and the sun still not really shiny because of my dark blue curtains covered. I turn on my radio, listen of my favorite prambors streaming. I like when my favorite songs in on playing. Later, I go down to dining room, eating whatever my mom and house staffs prepared. After talking and asked what my brother doing that day and feeling full, I go back to my room. Sometimes, I wondered what else I should do that day. I want to hang out with friends, or just chill out at home, reading my novels and listen to radio or just study if there is exam on Monday. I remembered how I both dislike and like when Nicholas Saputra as Prambors radio host. I like to listen to his voice because he is handsome but I dislike how boring he sounds to be.
If I decided to stay home rather than hanging out with friends to mal or bazaar, I listen to radio at my room. If later afternoon, my family was going to take nap, I am going to take nap too. Well I was trying to take nap too. Sometimes I open my blue curtain, I look over the balcony because I stay at level 2 with large windows. I saw sun shining so bright and the trees getting shaken because of winds. I listen to the roof getting bit shaken too because of winds. I love that view and sounds. I keep watching it. It feels just right. It feels the world move so slow and I am at pace with it. Everything in my life just right. I can take nap if I like without so much thoughts going on. My mother and brother were taking nap too or if they prefer doing something else. In my mind, I always think Sunday is time for rest because Monday - Friday, I have busy schedule for school and Extracurricular, I have other course beside my school, my chinese class after school. Saturday, I like to go out with friends or just hanging out alone to Roxy or Citra Land or Megamall to watch movie, gramedia or go to salon to take care my hair or eating outside if I am bored with home food.
What in my minds that time just I like to keep list of what I need to buy like I like new sneaker, new romance novel, new pens for school, new shirt or new jeans or just new bags for school or new magazines. I am pretty contented with my handphone or radio. I used old type of Nokia that time, though my friends always ahead of me used new model of Nokia, but I still used my Nokia 3330. I was happy with what I have. What makes me happy is that I realized I have family surrounded me and good school and friends. Life just simple and right. I did not have to think to what I should eat or What time I should go to market (pasar) to buy food to cook. I did not have to think what time I should wash dishes or clothes. I did not have to think much about what other peoples said, because I know I did the right thing, I did good at school and make my mother proud. I did better than my sister. I have some guys hitting on me. I have girl friends who I loved and loved me back. I am not alone get through life and that just feel right. I was happy.
What I want to say here that we should appreciate more the times when we were happy. That there maybe times when we forget how to feel happy because we are too long being unhappy until we forget how happy and alive feels like. The feeling of getting to be myself, being myself, own myself. The feeling to be truthful and not faking to impress others. The feeling to just feel worthed without someone you ever loved keep judging and makes you feel unworthy. If I could back to that time, I will appreciate two times more that I have ever been. The times when I was free and no ones bothered me and my minds. I was surrounded by peoples who I allowed to be there for me and I loved them, not by peoples who I don't allowed to be in my life and keep bothering me with their judgement, their self righteousness and their priorities. I feel sucks at those peoples and I want those peoples to be disappeared from my life. But for some reasons, I can't. Those peoples stuck with my life and makes me unhappy. I know it does not sounds right to say that. They happened in my life for some reasons, to make me stronger maybe. Maybe they are there to make me learn that they should not take my happiness and my peace until I allowed them to. But well, they win and I lost to myself.
This is what I called life is like wheel of fortune. There is one time I feel happy and worthed, and now I feel lost and unworthy. I really prayed and hope that oneday I will be live freely and on my own and those peoples who makes my life unhappy disappeared from my life and I don't have to see them anymore. I know it might sound childish in any way, yet I just want to live having my rights to choose what path I want to do with my life and freedom to do whatever I wanted without their bad judgements and interferences. That is all I ever wanted. So, there is one day when I am on my own. not belong to someone else. not their interference. not their decisions.
Oneday, I will live my new Sunday with my old happiness when I am at my pace and get through fine life because I am on the right path and I can choose anything and do anything on my own because I wanted to do it.
Kind regards,
Selene.
