Pendosa

Petir menggelegar di malam hari
Hujan deras mengguyur kota
Hantaman petir yang mengagetkan semua insan
Alarm mobil yang tiada hentinya berdengung
Ada yang sadar..
Ada pula yang sudah terlelap dalam mimpinya..
Guntur ini bisa dianggap sebuah petanda
Petunjuk bahwa semesta sedang murka
Atas kelalaian dan ketidakpedulian manusia
Manusia-manusia yang terhanyut pada drama kehidupan
Kehidupan yang berisi suratan takdir yang tak bisa dipahami
Setiap makhluk hanya menjalani isi buku kehidupannya masing-masing
Takdir memang tak dapat dihindari
Akan tetapi manusia masih diberi kesempatan untuk memilih
Berbagai pilihan untuk bereaksi terhadap kehidupan ini
Ada yang sudah nyaman menjadi pendosa
Pendosa cerdik yang membuat semuanya menjadi indah
Akan tetapi hitam tidak dapat bercampur dengan putih
Suatu saat setiap makhluk akan dihakimi termasuk para pendosa
Sudah siapkah engkau?




~Selene

Purify

There’s one sinner

Deaf to all true words

Take all the risks

Based on her belief

One sin lead to another

Until it hits it’s rock bottom

Life is hard

Words are harsh

Universe has punishments

I seem on my very limit

Tears poured out

My heart broken to pieces

I shout my agony to you

My deep sorrow and repentance

It’s all killing me inside

All the best I had is gone

You’re the only one I had left

Purify me heart

Wash my dirty soul

There I could be pure to you

-Selene-

Your mate

Your Mate..

Since the moment I know you
I know you are one of a kind
Some people said
Mate is destined to be for us

It is true that
when we're looking
we find nothing
It will come
when we expect nothing

I don't know
how long our destination will be over
but one thing I know
I'll cherish our moments..


~~~

Oneday

You told me once

You never believe karma

You always believe 

What you do want to believe

Yet I believe 

What goes around comes around

No matter what we did

It's always come back to us eventually

Life is not about showing yourself
Comparing that yourself is highter than others
It means nothing beside your pride
Pride that doesn't benefit others

I hope that oneday
You learnt your lessons
Life isn't always about yourself
Life is about giving and loving

-Selene

Reasons

You're gone again
It's been so many times
I even could not count it
You treat me as I am a robot
Robot with no feeling
You made me get through all alone
for thousand days and nights
You have your reasons
Reasons that will be your company forever
Because I can't be your company
You made feel worthless
That is more than enough
I hope oneday
When you're in there and go nowhere
You'll wish I was there
Because I will live miles away from you


~Selene (A-22/03/18)

Broken Promises

Leaving you is my wish
I have reasons for it
You are fulled of lies
Your mouth full of empty sweetness
You are so contradictional
Your promises are as empty as your heart
You never love someone
Love is just manipulation weapons
You never sacrifice for someone
All you cared just how much someone sacrificed for you
You think life is created for you
You never know being in pain
You are a liar
That word decribed you precisely
You burned all your promises to ashes
I prayed that one day
Life turned away its face from you
Then you will understand
The feeling of being fooled and hurt
I hope you get your karma
Because you made me live in lies
day after day
for the rest of my life..




~Selene (A-19/3/18)

Never be there

You give me stuffs
It's all fancy
Clothes
Wallets
Bags
Coats
Perfumes
Yet you forget one thing
You never be there
Whenever I need you the most

@A-02'18


(taken from my personal collection)
~Selene

One old Sunday

There is one Sunday I remembered I woke up around 7 or 8 in the morning and going to pee and after that going to bed again, clinging to my comfy bed and aircon. I wake up later at 9 am later when the birds my father owned keep chirping and the sun still not really shiny because of my dark blue curtains covered. I turn on my radio, listen of my favorite prambors streaming. I like when my favorite songs in on playing. Later, I go down to dining room, eating whatever my mom and house staffs prepared. After talking and asked what my brother doing that day and feeling full, I go back to my room. Sometimes, I wondered what else I should do that day. I want to hang out with friends, or just chill out at home, reading my novels and listen to radio or just study if there is exam on Monday. I remembered how I both dislike and like when Nicholas Saputra as Prambors radio host. I like to listen to his voice because he is handsome but I dislike how boring he sounds to be.

If I decided to stay home rather than hanging out with friends to mal or bazaar, I listen to radio at my room. If later afternoon, my family was going to take nap, I am going to take nap too. Well I was trying to take nap too. Sometimes I open my blue curtain, I look over the balcony because I stay at level 2 with large windows. I saw sun shining so bright and the trees getting shaken because of winds. I listen to the roof getting bit shaken too because of winds. I love that view and sounds. I keep watching it. It feels just right. It feels the world move so slow and I am at pace with it. Everything in my life just right. I can take nap if I like without so much thoughts going on. My mother and brother were taking nap too or if they prefer doing something else. In my mind, I always think Sunday is time for rest because Monday - Friday, I have busy schedule for school and Extracurricular, I have other course beside my school, my chinese class after school. Saturday, I like to go out with friends or just hanging out alone to Roxy or Citra Land or Megamall to watch movie, gramedia or go to salon to take care my hair or eating outside if I am bored with home food.

What in my minds that time just I like to keep list of what I need to buy like I like new sneaker, new romance novel, new pens for school, new shirt or new jeans or just new bags for school or new magazines. I am pretty contented with my handphone or radio. I used old type of Nokia that time, though my friends always ahead of me used new model of Nokia, but I still used my Nokia 3330. I was happy with what I have. What makes me happy is that I realized I have family surrounded me and good school and friends. Life just simple and right. I did not have to think to what I should eat or What time I should go to market (pasar) to buy food to cook. I did not have to think what time I should wash dishes or clothes. I did not have to think much about what other peoples said, because I know I did the right thing, I did good at school and make my mother proud. I did better than my sister. I have some guys hitting on me. I have girl friends who I loved and loved me back. I am not alone get through life and that just feel right.  I was happy.

What I want to say here that we should appreciate more the times when we were happy. That there maybe times when we forget how to feel happy because we are too long being unhappy until we forget how happy and alive feels like. The feeling of getting to be myself, being myself, own myself. The feeling to be truthful and not faking to impress others. The feeling to just feel worthed without someone you ever loved keep judging and makes you feel unworthy. If I could back to that time, I will appreciate two times more that I have ever been. The times when I was free and no ones bothered me and my minds. I was surrounded by peoples who I allowed to be there for me and I loved them, not by peoples who I don't allowed to be in my life and keep bothering me with their judgement, their self righteousness and their priorities. I feel sucks at those peoples and I want those peoples to be disappeared from my life. But for some reasons, I can't. Those peoples stuck with my life and makes me unhappy. I know it does not sounds right to say that. They happened in my life for some reasons, to make me stronger maybe. Maybe they are there to make me learn that they should not take my happiness and my peace until I allowed them to. But well, they win and I lost to myself.

This is what I called life is like wheel of fortune. There is one time I feel happy and worthed, and now I feel lost and unworthy. I really prayed and hope that oneday I will be live freely and on my own and those peoples who makes my life unhappy disappeared from my life and I don't have to see them anymore. I know it might sound childish in any way, yet I just want to live having my rights to choose what path I want to do with my life and freedom to do whatever I wanted without their bad judgements and interferences. That is all I ever wanted. So, there is one day when I am on my own. not belong to someone else. not their interference. not their decisions.

Oneday, I will live my new Sunday with my old happiness when I am at my pace and get through fine life because I am on the right path and I can choose anything and do anything on my own because I wanted to do it.



Kind regards,


Selene.

Be Strong, Stay Strong

Today is sunday afternoon here. its so sunny here that remember me what i ever read that God give sun to both good and wicked. It reminds me that everything changes and we just need to make adjustment to those changes. Changes are inevitable. Second changes, minutes changes, hour changes, day changes and weather changes. We changes, husband changes, siblings changes, parents change, people change and everything changes. Its unpredictable sometimes, like when we were young, we are eager to live boldy, stay easy to those hurtbutts stuffs and easy to let go, as the time flies, our endurance is slowly decreased little by little. We are feared and become really careful because we made mistake and that mistakes that create regrets and those regrets that chained us so badly. We have to free ourselves. There is no one to help ourselves except us alone. 

I remember i read somewhere that at the end the ones that we have are me and God only. Everyone else can leave us either we want it or not. Remember nothing is guaranteed in this life. 

Boyfriend, partner and hubby that once loved us can changed 180 degree. it will and i did not say this because negative thoughts, i said this based on my experiences. Parents changed too. Once we adult, they want us to be dependable and reliable. Siblings changed too, once they found what their life is, they will split ways from us and eventually live separately from us. nothing is holdable. 

We have to struggle our life. determine what yourself, believe in yourself and chasing your happiness. Remember nothing really made ourself unhappy beside ourself and nothing really take our happiness beside ourself. and i should be happy i am going through all this shitty things because these made me strong, stay strong and have extraordinary patience, i should remember that i can’t bought these hard times using money. So, i should be grateful whatever life throw at me. I believe sometimes i win, sometimes i learnt and those lessons can’t be bought by money. never.

These made me trust that whatever happens, my creator and my God will always accompany me and teach me that what trust and love really meant are. I believe that everything happens to me at the end bring goodness to my life. being grateful and happy whatever happens. Because life is only once and i deserved to be happy whatever i choose in this life.

Regards,

Selene.

Faith

When we were young, we were taught to keep our faith.

We walk by faith.

Faith means you trust in whatever you believe, 

that nobody could take it from you, whatever happens.

but that means nothing without examination

yes, life examinations.

only by examinations, there would be selection 

nature eliminations

those who endure the last, he/she really live by faith.

faith means trust without being seen

faith means trust without being known

faith means trust and calm and trust something big and something good ahead of us 

faith means never stop trusting 

faith means never give up

Today is my last day I saw my couple of years boss, 

i was there to pack my stuffs and say good bye to him.

He was so easygoing, unlike me who trying to keep my feeling while doing something logically have to be done soon (packing my personal stuffs).

When we are destined to meet somebody, 

there is destination where farewell happened

nothing last forever. happiness wont last forever, same as well as sadness.

while you with him/her, you should enjoying and make it to the fullest.

I am not talking about my boss, i am talking about people connection in general.

I believe we are destined to have purpose in life.

something that we do not understand now and hard, but by trusting everything is happened or destined for our great goodness, we will find happiness. never stop doing good and walk by faith.

I am talking to myself, too. this is reminder to myself. Life is too good to be wasted.

who knows what happens in 10 years time, one day i might or not might have a chance to see this post and remind myself or maybe laughing myself that why small things made me down. 

I want to be better person. 

I like word "Allegiant", ah yes, Theo James is very sexy man and handsome. but not because of that :)

the meaning of word "Allegiant" is 

To Veronica Roth, the term allegiant means"one who is loyal or faithful to a particular cause or person" 

from mr. google

Let us be faithful to what we trust and believe. 

I believe each of us has different life purpose.

I believe something good will happens in everyone life.

nothing is more than we can bear. 

always remember that "Life is beautiful"

peoples can always steal any goods and stuffs from you

but peoples can not steal your 'good' mindset, attitude and faith

I think that's what life's worth and good assets for yourself

that's the biggest thing you could give to yourself.

thats the end of my words for today.

love & peace,

-Selene-